Little payoff

I had a student several years ago, who I actually knew from the school where I aided. He had a rough go as a little guy, and he worked his way into my heart because of the situation he was being raised in.

When he became my student as a fifth grader, he was on a path of destruction. He had very little direction at home, a rough group of friends, and desire to be like the other kids. He wasn't though. He did have much to overcome, but a high level of intelligence. One day, after he had been in trouble every day for a week we came to an impasse. When you have a kid like him, nothing is as bad as what is at home waiting for him, so no level of re-direction or discipline means much.

So, we had a little chat. I told him sincerely that I knew what it was like at home, and that unless he decided that he wanted things to be different for him in his life, nothing would ever change for him. I told him that the people he was hanging with would introduce him the same things his mom was having trouble with--and that if he thought he was stronger and could be better than that, he was crazy. I told him the truth about his scores, that he was in fact, in the top five of my class. I told him that I hoped he would use his intelligence and do something with his life and break the cycle. I told him that I would help him find scholarships and help him enroll in college--and that I believed that education was his ONLY chance for a better life. Things changed a little for the rest of the year and then he moved.

I have had a little contact with him since then, but I wondered and worried about where he was all the time.

Today, after the funeral of a person too young to die, I saw my student. He now towers over me and is a man. He gave me his big smile and grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. Then he said, "Mrs B, you know how you said you would help me get into school? I've been working hard and I only have 3 credits left and then I can get into an electronics program at ISU. Can you help me?"

I can't tell anyone what that meant to me.

Nice to know I can make a difference. I love this kid. I love all my babies, but this one kid is exactly the reason I became a teacher. I am SO happy I can help him.

You never know who's looking...

Today I had the pleasure of going to church at the Gables. It is a retirement facility near our home, and our ward does a little sacrament meeting for the people who live there.

Our young women were invited to sing at the Gables, after having also sung in our own sacrament meeting. It is only the second time I have been there since my grandma passed away.

After we sung our little primary song--which was very touching, a few of the residents were mouthing the words while we sang--a woman from the ward stood to speak to those in attendance.

Her talk was based on how much of an influence every single one of them had been in her life. She named them individually by name and said specific things about each one. She talked about how loved they were by their families, what an example they had been to her in her own life. She named specific character traits each one has that makes them special to HER.

The spirit was amazing, but the thing that struck me most was that probably every single one of them had been just living their lives. They are just like me, going to the store, working in a job, running businesses, taking care of their families, working in different church organizations, etc. I would bet that not one of them would think they would have any kind of important influence on anyone outside of their families. BUT, they all clearly had. She had been influenced by them all. One lady cried when Joyce talked about how she had been there for [Joyce's] sister who had had a hard life. She said that this woman had done everything in her power to quietly make Joyce's sister's life a little more bearable.

I know I am a watcher. I look for people doing good, and it inspires me. I am encouraged by good people in my life. I feel blessed to be able to know, work with, and be friends with some of the best in the world....BUT, her implication was that people may be watching ME. WOW. That was a powerful bit of information to me today. I have always known it, but it came in a different way to me today.

Today, I realized a responsibility I have...I hope I can live up to it.

New School, New Year

OK, so at the end of last school year I made one of the hardest decisions of my educational career. I would even say it was one of the hardest of my life. I knew I couldn't work as far away from home--OK, I know it was only 7 miles--but in the winter, the drive was scary. Since we have more winter months of school that nicer driving months, I felt a change was necessary. I applied for and was hired to work at a school very near my home.

I spent most of the summer wondering if I could have waited a few years, and thinking if it was the best decision for me and my family. I felt over-whelmed and scared thinking I would have to 'start over' with a new school family. Plus, I LOVED the Groveland staff. They were like sisters to me. The students and their families were amazing, and I knew how much I would miss them.

When school first started, everything felt wrong. I felt I had a difficult class, I couldn't figure out scheduling, I was insecure about what I had to share with the other teachers, and I felt I just didn't 'fit.'

Tonight, I feel differently. I have found great parents who think I am not as bad as I thought I was, students who I genuinely WANT to see everyday, and new relationships with staff that are fun and engaging.

The thing is, the feeling I should change schools wasn't something I really wanted to do, but more something I felt like I NEEDED to do, like I was guided there. Its hard to make changes in life--especially when things feel secure and comfy. However, smart changes made from following the guidance of the Spirit always turn out well. Always.

For a month I have come home every day with a smile on my heart after dealing with these fabulous and fun students. I am growing as a teacher, and loving every minute of it.

I can't wait for tomorrow!

Fit for the Kingdom Part 2

Just to be clear, I was only acting on inspiration. We did what we felt was an inspired adventure for our young women. I am not as amazing as some seem to think. I just like to think I am obedient--or at least try to be.

PS...I could not have done it without the help of outstanding counselors and advisors. Most of all, it would not have been as successful without the outpouring of blessings from our Father in Heaven. Just saying.

Fit for the Kingdom

Last March, I had my young women over to watch the General Young Women's meeting on TV.

It was inspiring to say the least. In Sister Dalton's talk, she told the story of John Moyle. He was a stonemason who was called to do work on the Salt Lake temple. He lived about 22 miles from Salt Lake, so he would get up on Mondays at 2 a.m. to walk the distance to be on time for work at 8. Then, after work on Friday he would walk the distance again until he arrived home at midnight. Once, he was kicked in the leg by a cow and had to have his leg removed just below his knee. When it had healed, he made himself a wooden leg and then continued to make the trip for years. She said that some young women in Salt Lake walked from the Draper temple, to the Salt Lake temple. They carried the name of an ancestor and John Moyle to honor them. When I heard that story, it was like an arrow to my heart and I knew that MY young women needed to have an experience like that.

I spoke to my counselors, and chose September 17 as the day we would walk to the temple. We called our adventure "Fit for the Kingdom," and presented it to the girls.
We asked them to physically and spiritually prepare for this big event.

Their spiritual requirements included: Reading and studying "For the Strength of the Youth" pamphlet, which outlines the standards of the church. There are 22 topics and we asked them to do one a week, while keeping a journal and finding things in their personal progress that went with each topic. We also asked them to develop a pattern of daily prayer. We wanted them to also do a self-affirming statement each day. It could be something like, "I am a daughter of royal birth." Finally, we asked them to choose a person from their ancestry who they admire to walk for. Instead of walking for John Moyle, they also were to think of someone who will someday call them grandma. We told them to think about the fact that their posterity will someday look to them for a good example.

Physically, we asked them to prepare by participating in conditioning walks, eating well, and becoming more physically fit.

During the preparation process, we planned walks three or four times a week. The girls were busy, but many made it to at least one or two a week. We reminded them constantly of the spiritual preparation and expected them to do the things we asked of them. I felt, and still feel that there was a LOT of opposition to our plan. People were getting injured, attitudes weren't always good, and disappointment and frustration were commonplace.

Two weeks ago, I was thinking that maybe this wasn't anything of value, and almost called it off. I changed my mind when a few girls told me they were talking to others about their "big walk." Also, people in our community were offering to come walk with the girls, and others were asking how our preparation was going.

Yesterday, we got up and were off to the starting place by 4:30. The girls were tired, but in good spirits. Since it was so early, we had to walk the first three miles in the dark. Some girls got out to a big lead, and left the rest of us in the dust. When the sun came up, we saw that it was going to be a beautiful day. This meant something to me, because the weatherman had predicted showers right where we would be walking. On Thursday, I said a little prayer that maybe my Father in Heaven would see fit to keep us dry. So, when I saw the sun, and very few clouds, I knew my prayer had been heard and answered.

By the fourth mile, a few girls learned why we had been arranging conditioning hikes. Some were getting blisters on their feet, some had pain in their hips and backs. One sweet girl who is tiny, couldn't keep up because of her stride. By the tenth mile, many had received first aid and were starting to really feel the stress to their bodies. All this time we were walking, we asked them who they were walking for and why they chose them. I loved listening to girls talk about grandmothers who had overcome hardships in their lives, children they hoped to someday have, and pioneers who pushed handcarts, etc. The girls sang songs like "I love to see the temple," and "Shall the Youth of Zion Falter." They laughed and they ATE. Relationships were strengthened and new friendships blossomed. Conversations about teen things and eternal things were heard all over the road. As they walked, the talk lessened and they focused on the task before them. The heat in their feet became overwhelming and the pain in the hips reminded them of why they were treading on dirt roads and asphalt.

Some girls and leaders began to feel overwhelmed with their task. Just as we began walking into Rexburg, young men in our ward greeted us and cheered us as we walked past them. They walked the remaining five miles with us and brought hope and fun to the young women.

By this time, a few of the girls were physically unable to walk and were limping. I worried that they needed to have a ride, but they resisted--saying they HAD to finish the walk and make it to the temple. By now, they could see the temple up on the hill and it became their goal. As if the people of Rexburg knew our girls needed support, they would honk and yell as they drove by. The encouragement helped immensely.

As leaders, we wanted the girls to see this challenge as a metaphor for their lives. That things would be hard, but that if they could do this, they could do anything! We told them that having to ride for a minute was a real life fact. Sometimes, we all need support. We talked about how the friendships we make on earth can help and sustain us through hard times. We taught them that even though some times our lives may seem all uphill, sometimes life can be level and even downhill.

I had arranged for the girls families to meet them at the temple, just like our loved ones will meet us after we pass from this life. As we walked up to the temple and they could see their families, I became emotional. Maybe its because I am closer to seeing those who've gone than they are, or just because I knew what it would mean to them. Their families were cheering and yelling encouragement to them. Then, the most touching thing happened. The girls did NOT lose sight of the goal. They hugged their families, and then walked right past them to the temple. Although they were so fatigued, they trudged up the stairs and went to the temple and touched it.

My vision, or what I thought we were supposed to bring to the girls was so tiny in comparison to what they actually got. Each girl had their own personal story. Each girl grew in their own way. The spirit of the thing affected them in ways so much more profound than I would have ever guessed. I wouldn't have ever predicted my own reaction to the walk. It has changed my life. I know I can do things I didn't think I could. I fell in love with my Marki more as I watched him give up his only day off for my young women. I grew closer to the girls as we walked and talked. I knew that my Father in Heaven really did have a goal for my girls, and that he heard my prayers--and answered them. I felt the spirit of the temple outside of the temple. On so many levels, this was one of the defining moments of my life.

FEAR

I have very few fears.

I used to be afraid of airbags. I had this unreasonable thought that if I was ever in an accident and the airbag hit me in the face, it would break my glasses. If my glasses were broken, then I would be blind. THAT would be a fate worse than death, having an accident AND being blind. Well, after my experiences of the last few years, I no longer feel like I have to scoot my seat as far back as it will go, because I know being blind isn't the worst thing.


Until.


Put blindness with my other fear--which is having my eyes pecked out by chickens or other random birds, and you have what I fortunately lived through last Friday night.

Mark and I took the grandkids, and were at the Little Buckaroo Rodeo having an enjoyable evening watching the tykes do rodeo. We watched one of my former students ride a sheep, we watched the slowest barrel racing I have ever witnessed in my life, kids putting ribbons on goats and some taking them off, and bunches of cowboys and cowgirls chase pigs around the little arena. The last event (or at least the last one we saw) was the chicken round-up. They put about 30 chickens in the arena with about 40 kids and the free for all began. The chickens FREAKED OUT! They ran everywhere. I was in awe of a little girl who just reached out and grabbed a hen by the tail feathers (I wouldn't do that for SO many reasons!!!) and picked it up. The thing was bigger than she was.

OK...back to my fear. I was busy watching a cowgirl chase a little banty around, when suddenly I heard the sound of wings in my ears and I realized that a big white rooster was attempting a get-away!!! In my face....very close to my eyes!!! Did I mention that it came from the right??? My BLIND side??? I was able to protect myself with my arm, which now has a bruise from the beating.

I was just recovering from the shock of it all when I realize that my grandson had also been pummeled by a crazy member of the poultry family. He ended up with a couple of pecks on his cheek.

But I survived. So did Mikey. However, I don't think we will be going around any hen houses any time soon. Some fears you can conquer by enduring them, others are just validated by having the experience.

Musings

Just for the fun of it I went to a piano recital today. I loved every single piece. I loved the little girl who played "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." She forgot to count out the correct beats to the measure because she was a little nervous. I loved the boy who played a VERY hard piece and didn't look at his hands, not even once. He rocked while he played, and smiled at his favorite part. I also loved the girl who played a robust piece that involved LOTS of pounding. Her dad turned around and told me they were glad she could start on a new song. I laughed. The whole thing got me to thinking about my own piano experience. I pretty much hated practicing, and went through more that a half dozen teachers before I stopped having lessons. 'Finger Power.' The thought of it makes me get chills down my spine. I have regretted my decision to stop taking lessons many times during my life. It isn't that I couldn't play, I just didn't want to practice. Oh well, one of the younger pianists played I song I learned when I was ten. I think I will go and play it later. I will attempt to play it with the same emotion she did.

Since I was waxing reminiscent, I decided to drive to my parents old home after the recital. While I was driving, I pondered on all the changes in the old neighborhood over the years. There used to be a little corner store where we could walk down and get some penny candy. It really did cost a penny. Sometimes we would stop there and get some candy to sneak into the Saturday matinee. Nothing better than a taffy to chew on while watching some Disney film. There is a body shop there now. When I was little, there was only Dennis St just off the highway. Everything else was fields. As kids we would go out in the field and imagine we were settling the frontier, or look for insects, start fires...or numberless other kinds of trouble. I would lay out in the backyard and stare at the sky at night. There weren't as many houses then, so the stars were so bright. I think that was one of the first times that I realized how small I am in the whole scheme of things. Now there are subdivisions upon subdivisions there. When I drove by the old home I remembered how my sisters and I got to sleep downstairs. We all slept in the same bed and we would lay in bed and tickle each other's backs until one of us went to sleep. I still don't know if its better to be in the middle and get tickled all the time, or on the end and only have to do it every other time. We had free range of the basement, except for the "OTHER SIDE." We were not allowed to go over there unless we were helping with laundry. We did though, enough said. (There are the ice cream and cake mix incidents which won't be mentioned here.)I really loved that house.
As I drove home, I saw a sign that said I could get a one dollar ice cream cone at the Downtown Bread Co. That store used to be a store called Big E, as a kid I thought it was named for my grandpa---my dad nicknamed him Big E because his name was Ellis. Anyway, I used to love to go there and buy a "treat." We didnt't have a lot of money growing up, but sometimes we got to go to the store and buy inexpensive things. There were drugstores all around that block, and I remember getting to go there with my grandpa and he would buy me a sandwich on bakery bread. Grilled cheese or peanut butter. It came with chips and a soda. The soda came in a glass. Really...those were good times.
I love my life.

The End of the World Is Coming!

Yesterday was the scheduled end of the world.

Well, unless something happened that I don't know about, it didn't happen.

I have had quite a few chuckles about it, but it has been a time for reflection, too.

1.) I don't believe at all that the guys in the vans with the nifty t-shirts were the ones who would come and tell us to prepare, and

2.) All joking aside, I wonder if the some of the attitudes were similar to those in Noah's time, or when Samuel stood on the wall.

We know it is coming. We have been heading in that direction for thousands of years. We are blessed to have a living prophet to look to. We have been taught and we all understand how it will end. We just don't know when. So...should we be like a high school student who knows that the senior project is due and work on it the whole semester, or should we be like the one who procrastinates the project until the end, and then can't finish it. I need to work on procrastinating a little less.

Stake Conference

Today was stake conference. I was so touched by what every single one of the speakers said.
When President Taylor spoke on heritage, I thought of how blessed I am. Since I was born, my parents made it a point for us to know and associate with our extended family. This is one of the greatest blessings of my life. I have such fond memories of family reunions with the 'old' Clarks and Fackrells. I loved staying at Grandma Jolley's house and picking cherries in the summer. I remember the antique dentistry things my Grandpa Clark had, and the waterfall lamp that looked like real water when you spun it. I remember him singing, "I'll Take You to Your Home, Kathleen" to me, right up until he died in the late 70's. It isn't the memories of these people that I cling most tight to, though. It is the legacy and the heritage they have left me of knowing what I should be doing, how to do it, and what the reward can be if I do it all my life.

The next two speakers related their own conversion stories. One was our stake's Young Men president, and the other one was the stake Primary president. I have known both of them for more than 30 years. It was odd to me that I didn't remember that they had ever been less active. As they talked about the people who helped them back into activity, and the hard things they had to go through to get there, I was touched. Sister Larson said that sometimes you have to give up hard things to get better things. She was speaking specifically of friends and associates. I know that has been true in my own life. Brother Fairchild gave a brief overview of the plan of salvation and reminded us that when we were born, our memories of that better place were erased. I had my own testimony strengthened when the Spirit spoke to me and said, "But, you have been given and taught all you need to remember. You just have to remember."

As a member of the temple presidency and the mission president spoke, each related the blessings of the temple. I felt blessed as I though about the prospect of having an eternal family, and that Mark and I have made covenants to that end. I thought of my precious niece and what a blessing it is to her family to know they can have her again someday.

I also LOVED how the temple and mission president's wives stood with them.

Then, Elder Chambers spoke. He related the last days of Joseph Smith's life. One thing that stood out to me was a part of the story I don't think I had ever heard. He told that Joseph realized at one point that the mobs were only after him and Hyrum. He told the saints he would leave and they would be safe. Well, the mobs did come, and in a threatening way, told the saints that they wouldn't stop until they had Joseph Smith in their custody. They all left, but one--who reiterated the threat. This is the part that struck me: "The Saints were so overwhelmed with fear that they gave up their faith." In my mind, these early saints have been the standard to look to when life gets overwhelming. I have felt that the things they had to go through were harder than anything I personally have had to endure. To think that in that moment, that they called the Prophet back because they were afraid. Wow. We can't blame them, when life gets overwhelming, it is easy to let fear guide our actions. I have done it too many times to count. But, I was struck by the lesson: We shouldn't EVER let our fears overcome our faith. Easier said than done....but something I can and should work on. I have just decided to try harder to make my decisions based on faith.

The music was AMAZING! After Elder Chambers talk, the men's choir sang, "Come, Come Ye Saints." It went perfectly with his talk. They also sang, "I Need Thee Every Hour."

I am grateful that I was able to go today, feel the Spirit and sit with my daughters and their kids. My pitcher feels more full today than it has in a while.

Just a couple of thoughts

I was just listening to the Book of Mormon on the church's website. I LOVE the Book of Mormon. Anyway, I have been reading about Alma and the sons of Mosiah. Tonight was the story of Ammon giving the first discussion to Lamoni. One thing really struck me tonight, in verse 5 of chapter 18 it reads: "Now this was the atradition of Lamoni, which he had received from his father, that there was a Great Spirit..." Lamoni's father did not have the gospel growing up, only the traditions of his fathers which were changed and diluted, BUT..he taught his son about a great Spirit. Those little seeds planted by those without the gospel but with faith can have the greatest impact. This is why the Lord prepares hearts, sends missionaries and the work goes on. This is what happened in my own family. Mark was raised outside of the church by good parents who taught him to love God. One day his dad told him about the temple. Years later when he wants to marry a Mormon girl, he asks, "What do I have to do to go into the temple? My father told me that when you are married there, you are married forever." My Markie, Lamoni. Both influenced for good by their fathers.

Saturday night I had Loucee over to spend the night. She goes to church with us because, "I love Jesus, he is at church." It was late and she needed to go to sleep, but there was A LOT going on so I laid down with her until she went to sleep. We had this little conversation:
Lou: "You spoil me. You get me LOTS of stuff. I know you love me."
Me: "Yes, I do."
I saw this as a teaching moment, that we don't measure love by how much "stuff" someone gives us. Therefore, I told her about things that people do for her that don't cost money, but are longer lasting and show her how much she is loved.
Lou: "But Jesus loves me, he spoils me."
Just as I was about to try to convince her she was mistaken, she said, "He gave me a good mom, birds, pretty skies, new baby brother, ..." As she continued her list I realized she was right. We ARE spoiled.

Another night, I was reading about Alma and Amulek. It was the time that they were being forced to watch the terrible sight of the believers being burned. Amulek told Alma, (in different words, I'm sure) "We should stop this." I am positive this would be one of the most horrifying sights ever known to the human mind. I would want to stop it. I would do anything to stop it. Alma resisted. He said the events would stand in judgment against those of the tradition of Nehor. It made me think. Sometimes, when our lives seem hard and we pray for help and deliverance, is help withheld for the same reason. That maybe the Lord is gathering evidence for the final judgment? I know we receive help, but when the problem doesn't go away, or the peace doesn't come for a while...


Like I said, just a couple of thoughts.

What I Love

I have been watching one of my facebook friends tell one thing she loves every day. It has made me think about the things that I love. So here goes (in no particular order):
Mark, my five children, two kid-in-laws, eleven grandkids, every student I have ever taught, my parents, my brothers and sisters and their spouses, the gospel of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, my Father in Heaven, the Book of Mormon, hot bread, reading, snow, fires, great friends (so many that I can't name them each), stocking feet, dandelions, facebook, music, learning, sunrises with my dad, good senses of humor, shopping, fettuccine, my job, starry nights, girls camp, zumba, being challenged, babies, soup, math, cartoons, the Atonement, driving, how my testimony grows, saltines with butter or cheese, scrabble, volleyball, being paid, being warm, family reunions, my extended family (those still with us, and those who have gone on before), my eye specialist, old scary movies, shoes that fit, having my hair washed by someone else, talking with my sisters, my bed, rain, jumping in puddles, chocolate, mashed potatoes, walking, Peeps, sleeping in, snuggling the grandkids, birth, testimony meeting, programs of the church, my bay window, my neighborhood, westerns, science, google, grilled ham and cheese, summer nights, winter nights, clean sheets, well-worn jeans, sweatshirts, Dancing with the Stars, caramel popcorn, reading aloud to kids, seeing things, having my back rubbed or tickled, quiet, noise, meeting new people, telling stories, buying cars, getting a good deal, vacuuming, eating out, seeing kids 'get it,' the temple, understanding some Spanish, brownies, Frank Sinatra songs, and Sunday meals with my family.

Of course there is more, but....